Wow! I can hardly believe it has been about a year since I have been on here! I apologize to each and every one of you. Allow me to do my best to explain my lack of communication.
While on holiday, back in the States last year I spoke many, many times about my ministry and all that has been going on in South Africa. I spoke so many times in fact that I got completely tired of speaking about ministry and anything pertaining to me. When I came back to SA I was completely judged on just about everything coming out of my mouth by numerous people. Add to that so many judgements that people have about Americans and you get a whole lot of hurt.
Since I have been back I have gone months of almost completely not talking to people other than what was necessary. I just stopped wanting to talk. It was like I took a vow of silence. This is something the Lord just recently showed me. That I made an inner-vow not to be seen or heard and caused misalignment in some areas of my life.
I came back into alignment with God a few months ago, but have still been seeing some back lash from these vows. So many times I have gotten frustrated with people due to the fact that I would speak and people would just talk over me as if I never even opened my mouth. It was like they couldn't even hear me. God would give me a vision and I would share it, but people would have no clue what I was talking about. It seemed that any time I shared information people were so confused about what I was talking about. It was like I was speaking a foreign language - which is a real issue for me at times, but this was more than that, this was with people who know and understand me well. I felt helpless.
I finally just stopped sharing my input, ideas, visions, prophesies, etc. I especially didn't want to share what was important to me. I recently joined the worship team at church and most people said they couldn't hear me. I thought I was singing loud and even lost my voice. I was afraid and I am not used to singing the whole service, so there was that. Again, it seemed like there was more to it.
I remember in my fear, being torn with not wanting to be heard and everything in me just needing to sing to the Lord. I asked the Lord for Him to shine light on this. He showed me the vows I had made and how over and over and over I repeated these thoughts in my head.
I have since asked God for forgiveness, washing me in His blood and to restore this gift He has given me called: My Voice. This time I choose not to be afraid of what others think about the things that the Lord gives me to share or to be heard. I also ask if you will be so kind as to allow me to share me and not only my ministry for I am coming to know the gift that He has made me to be solely as I am. In return, let me know who you are. Not just what you do, but the beautiful human being that He has created you to be - warts and all!
Thank you everyone for your grace and allowing me to have weaknesses. I will not wait a year to update this and do my best to do it on a regular basis. Thank you for caring about what is going on in my little corner of the world. Be prepared; revival is coming and it is coming from Cape Town and will spread across the world!!
Much love <3
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