Death Made Me an Heir

Another event that affected me immensely was the death of an acquaintance. We had recently done ministry together and I had looked up to him as a role model for the ministry that I was doing. Out of respect for others I won’t mention his name.
The week after my accident, I found out that he had committed suicide, leaving behind a family. The wound is still raw for many, so I will leave out the details. He may have been an acquaintance and not a close friend – his death still affected me, none the less. So much that I have told very few people about this and did a couple counseling sessions. Even now I can not write this without tears coming to my eyes.
I was well aware of his testimony and all that God had brought him through. I never saw the man without seeing him smiling, laughing or talking about God. My whole paradigm was being thrown into orbit.
I didn’t understand how a sovereign God could allow him and his family to go through and make it through so much, just to have this happen. What would cause a person to take their own life? I also took it quite personally.
I wondered how I could have been so deceived. The man I knew was an amazing man of God. Or was he? Could a man of God do such a thing? How on earth was I to trust any leader in the church again when so many have blind-sided me? This is something that has bothered me for quite some time and was keeping me from not only trusting others, but fully trusting God.
Through this journey, God showed me that so many Godly men (and women) have orphan hearts. We are all born with this; we can be “born again” and do all the “right” things and still have an orphan heart. Without dealing with this it can grow into a stronghold of oppression. The only way for one to overcome this is to experience the full embrace of Father’s love; going from the heart of an orphan to an heir of Father God.
Very few people, even Christians know what this is like. On the outside we can “look” and “sound” like an heir, but we do not “think” like an heir. This leaves a lot of room for the enemy to step in and defeat us. All it takes is for one circumstance to defeat us and we are left weak and vulnerable. It is in this moment that we find ourselves doing what we normally wouldn’t do.
This does not mean that we are not a man (or woman) of God, that we do not love Him or that we are not genuine; it just means that we have not allowed Father God to completely transform us, turning us into His heir, not just His child.

For more information on this subject check out “Spiritual Slavery to Spiritual Sonship”, by Jack Frost.